Nihongo Teachers

This is my gorgeous friend, fabulous Japanese teacher and personal translator Misuzu. The bloke is Steve’s Japanese big brother Kentarou, who is gorgeous but for some reason or other never knows what is going on. Drinking with this pair is always an education, we communicate through a mixture of broken English and appalling Japanese and we love it. Here Steve can be seen training Kentarou in the correct pronunciation of “ya fucker” however we both know he will continue using his pseudo-Italian one. Right now in Australia where I can understand the language around me, I am missing them like crazy. Love you guys!

Bunch of Posers

Here is a collection of golden moments. We just can’t help ourselves, when the camera comes out, so do the poses. Our favourite is most definitely “the tiger” however we have attempted a few other moods to add little variety.

Look, I found someone else who likes to make this ridiculous face!

Random man on the train willing to partake in a little TIGER action

My three favourite people in the world on the train

An attempt at a Dolphin

"The Pornstar"

"Monkey no look, Monkey no listen, Monkey no talking"

The Cranky Pout

Where Time Goes Backwards

I’ve been back in Australia for 3 days now and I think I’m suffering from reverse culture shock. In Japan I am constantly busy, I never have time to think and I’m always on the go. I did all the jobs I had to do while in Australia yesterday, which was a little hasty because now I have absolutely nothing to do. In Japan I rarely have 5 minutes to myself but now I find myself with 5 weeks. What the hell am I going to do? A mate has suggested that I get a little creative and write some songs, which would be a brilliant idea had I any talent whatsoever for writing music. Instead I’ve decided to get literate, I’ve decided to read all the books I have always wanted to read but haven’t had time. My first pick was a book on Japan’s attack on the Chinese city of Nanking during the Second World War. It is quite possibly the most horrific book I have ever read and while it is educating it is also incredibly depressing. It made me feel so grateful for the life that I was given and reinforced the fact that I am one of the luckiest people on earth. One of the luckiest people on earth, who is, currently moaning about having 5 weeks in Australia with nothing to do. Yes, I do see the irony.

I have also had the misfortune of reading an English magazine. Magazines are too expensive in Japan, which is why most Japanese stand in convenience stores reading them so they don't have to buy one. I decided to splurge and buy a copy of an old fave - Cosmopolitan for the plane. Was it always full of such utter bollocks or has it changed editors recently? Almost every article I found related to a) finding a boyfriend b) finding a better boyfriend or c) analysing the fuck out of your current relationship. There was even a handy article (written by a man) instructing me how to give a better blow-job. Apparently, I should practice on a cucumber. I’m assuming this skill improves their chances of realising their “finding a boyfriend” goal. I’d love to open one of these mag’s one day to find a big 10-page lift out on basic common sense.

Also, the TV in Australia is killing me. I want to be back in Japan where I can’t understand what they are banging on about. There is honestly a commercial every 7 minutes. 7. And I’m pretty sure they run longer than the actual program does. I’d also like to know what percentage of Australian TV is made up of home improvement shows and why none of the homeowners in my hometown are taking their advice on-board. I saw an ad for one today claiming they could teach me how to build my own bed-head for under $300. Surely for $300 I could buy one that was made by someone with the appropriate bed-head making skills? It didn’t even look good on the ad, imagine what it would look like if I tried my hand at it.

Anyway, now I’ve vented, I’m going to bed. I’m going to think long and hard and come up with some more positive forms of Aussie feedback.

In Flight Entertainment

You are it. I am writing this on my flight from Tokyo to Bangkok. I managed to get on the only airline sans back seat TV’s. I secretly think the people around me are green with envy that I have the ease and convenience of my stylish ibook. And if I didn’t look like a hideous swamp beast in the oldest/comfiest clothes I own, I might be mistaken for someone with an important job. I’m sat next to a kindly Japanese man and I’m trying out all the Nihongo that I can caper. He’s showing me some nifty gadget game thing that all the kids are playing these days so I just asked him how much it cost. Then, when he replied “only $150” I told him: “vegetable”. The bewildered look on his face was cue to correct myself with an embarrassed “errr… I mean, cheap”.

The movie playing on the big screen is some kind of tragic dance movie that stars someone who may or may not be Justin Timberlake. Whatever it is, its horrible. I’m devoed that I didn’t have the foresight to put a movie or two on this beast before departure. And I’d just like to reinforce the laptop envy I’m feeling right now, the little J-man has just told me that I’m a nerd with my computer. Jokes on you mate. He wishes he was me, he’s gonna loose it real soon when I pull out the solitare.

If I wasn’t completely knackered from the last few weeks of madness, I would be ectatic right now. I’m on my way to Australia for a well-earned 5-week holiday. I’m going from the freezing temperatures of Tokyo to the warmth and sunshine of a beloved Aussie summer. In the 6 weeks prior to this flight I’ve broken up with the J-boy I couldn't communicate with, said some very teary goodbyes to my two best friends and flatmates, moved out of the Horifune Palace and into my very own sexy little studio apartment in Nakano, Tokyo, signed a new contract at work, started a couple of new kids classes, seen a musical that my favourite student gave Steve and I tickets to, gloated to everyone I know about my extended vacation and spent a small fortune buying unnecessary, overpriced and fabulous make-up at the duty free counter.

I have absolutely no idea what I have packed in my suitcase in the chaos. I’m not even sure I packed anything at all. I have never before been under the airline weight restriction, so you can imagine my confusion at the check-in counter. I didn't even know that was possible?

Anywho, might give my laptop battery a rest so I can wow the people on my next flight with the same prepared brilliance as I have on this one. I have the next 5 weeks to sit on my bum in the sun so you can expect to hear from me again soon.

Sayonara Sandy

Sunday the 12th of November marked the end of an era when my much loved flatmate and friend Sandy left Japan to go back to Melbourne. Sandy and I arrived in Japan within a month of each other, we worked at the same branch for a while and lived together with Naomi for over a year so my Nihon experience always involved her cheeky Aussie charm and with her I never felt too far from home. Japan certainly isn’t going to be the same without such a hot lady and fabulous mate. I’ve been so lucky ever since I got to Japan, I’ve always been blessed with beautiful, supportive mates. Sandy, Naomi and I have been a family for the last year and a half so I’m devoed to see her go, but I know that it wont be too long until I see her again. When you find a girl this special, you can’t let her go far. I miss you chicken. See you in January! x

We had several leaving parties for Sand with a plethora of photo shoots.
Here are some gems from the festivities.

Happy Birthday Andrea!

Last Saturday we celebrated the lovely and talented Andrea's birthday in a joint affair with Sandy's farewell. We got to meet Andrea's crazy friends and had a wicked time at an Izakaya before heading to a club to dance up a storm. Andrea has the best legs in Tokyo and i'll go anywhere to watch her groove on the dance floor. Hope you had a great day babe. I'm glad that you are staying in Tokyo with me next year for more shenanigans.

Hallie and I trying on our sexy pose.

Interactive Print Club T-shirts

Sandy and I received a beautiful surprise off Naomi last night. She sat us down at the table, made us close our eyes and when we opened them found 3 T-shirts with our picture printed on the front. We were then given an array of glitter pens and fabric paints to decorate our T-shirts Print Club style! It was such a gorgeous present and we had loads of fun making them. Thank you Nai, you are a gem.

Tiger

I know I get to meet a lot of people living in Tokyo, but it’s not everyday that a man as devilish as this one walks into your life. Meet Steve, my hottest and most lethal new ally. I knew he was trouble from day one. I spotted the glint in his eye from a mile off but it wasn’t until we had our first bender together that we formed the ultimate union. It started as any normal night might when two people pleasantly stumble upon Happy Hour and ended in what has come to be known as our own signature brand of chaos. For future reference, when they name a cocktail “Tarantula” it is to be respected. It should be sipped and enjoyed at a leisurely pace before starting on the next one, for it is a wild beast with devastating consequences that can not be tamed. Under no circumstances should one taunt it and if you are silly enough to challenge it, it is best to have at least one very large man present who can carry you home. You will also need a stellar companion to fill in the blanks the next morning. Since that fateful night we haven’t looked back. A diabolical fusion of cheek, wit and charm, we frame a tenacious team and a force to be reckoned with. Whether it’s happy hour at the pub, nomihodai at an izakaya or a bit of late night classic karaoke, the night is guaranteed to prove pandemonium when you have an accomplice as sinful as Steve.

I'll do it tomorrow.

It seems a tad ironic that I can get off my arse to write a blog about the fact that I am incredibly lazy but not about the any of the interesting things I have done recently. I think they call it procrastination. Right now I am sitting, ok that's a lie – lying in my room that has developed a certain odour I can’t quite place my finger on. If I was to hazard a guess I’d say it’s a delicate blend of essence of “spent beer bottles” scattered with “growing pile of unwashed clothes in the corner” and a distinct base note of “manky, mouldy futon I should have hung out on the weekend” then there is the pleasant stench of stale perfume I am literally carrying around with me ever since my bottle of Irresistible by Givenchy spilt all through my handbag.

I still haven’t fully unpacked my suitcase from the holiday I went on a month ago. I can’t find the 3rd DVD from the boxed set of season one of “Friends” in the rubble to give back to my boyfriend. I am hoping to learn fluent Japanese via osmosis from the textbook’s sprawled through my bed, which incidentally really needs it’s sheets washed, I keep finding un-popped kernels of the popcorn I had for dinner three nights ago. I am also performing a strategic balancing act with the pile of random items on my dresser. It’s kind of like those games at the arcade where you throw in 10-cent coins in order to push the other coins off and claim your prize. My last score was a crusty Easter egg well past its expiry date but there is always tomorrow.

I’m not exactly sure why I am listing my achievements in filth, I guess now its written in print I can conduct a full analysis before I eventually act or am forced to deal with a mutant cockroach infestation I am quite possibly sponsoring. In any event, it’s best not to rush into things. It’s getting late I should probably find my bed and get some sleep.

Happy Birthday Sandy

It really doesn’t feel like a year since we last celebrated Sandy’s birthday in the smallest pub in Tokyo with a bunch of random old men, but apparently it has been. This year she rudely went on a trip to New York for her birthday so we had to wait for her return to go for dinner and drinks at our new favourite bar down the road from our house. We did it Japanese style on tatami mats, drinking Sho-chu and lemon tea. We had adult conversations about the complexities of tea ceremonies and discussed social issues and current events, it almost felt like we were grown ups. It was a lovely evening with good food and the best company in the world. Love you Sand, Happy Birthday!

Einen OKINAWA-en

Last week four hot girls took some well-deserved time off and went on a little beach holiday to a small Japanese island called Okinawa. Our plan involved 2 things, cocktails and beach the rest was optional. We managed to fit in a spot of snorkelling and multiple rides on a banana boat pulled by a jet-ski. Naomi spontaneously acquired the ability to sprechen Sie Deutsches and for the first time ever we had our name on a sign waiting for us at the airport. Because I am the laziest person in the world and I’m on my way to meet a mate for a drink, I’ll cut this short. Here are some pics to brighten your day, you’ll notice there are none of me in my swimmers, they were all mysteriously destroyed but it was an amazing 4 days and so refreshing to get out of Tokyo for a while. Loves et.

Train Delay

Last Sunday, Sandy, Naomi and I caught the train home after a day out Ikebukuro. Sand and I, in a particularly lazy/hung-over Sunday mood decided to stay on the train one stop to go grab a video at the local store. But unfortunately our carriage didn't make the station and we stopped just short. We waited for a while confused by the Japanese announcements over the speakers, complaining about the inconvenience. After a while people started walking through the train because the first few carriages were at the platform, so we followed suit. When we got to the front people were milling about watching something outside the windows, curiosity got the better of me so I had a look too, just in time to see them covering the body of a suicide victim. We stood in shock as we watched them carry it away and I wondered why it took 10 fire trucks to clean up the mess. Naturally this lead to discussion about the value of life in Japan, total confusion as to how one person’s life could get so bad they felt jumping in front of a train was their only option and some internet research on suicide in Japan:

In Japan over 32,000 people per year commit suicide (3 times higher than the nations road death tolls) victims are predominantly overworked or financially troubled “salarymen” although recently there has been a rise in youth suicide with the advent of “suicide clubs” online. So, with an average of 88 people per day knocking themselves off there are systems in place to minimise delay. Our train was held up approximately 25 minutes before carrying the disgruntled passengers on their way. This delay however has considerable ramifications. Tokyo has a population of over 12.5 million people. 90% of those people use the train as their primary method of transport.

*The financial cost to train companies of just one suicide can be astronomical. For example, in January 1999, a businessman jumped in front of a train at JR Harajuku Station. He was seriously injured, but survived the experience. His suicide attempt halted 26 JR Yamanote Line trains, delayed 54 others and caused the temporary suspension of operations on the entire Yamanote and Saikyo lines. It was estimated that this one single suicide attempt disrupted the journeys of about 160,000 commuters.

It seems trivial to bitch about the train being delayed when the cause was human demise, but one late train here can cause chaos. Approximately 3.5 million people pass through Shinjuku station per day. Peoples here time their days to the minute, they are stressed and overworked, I watch people having anxiety attacks on the platform when the train is one minute late let alone half an hour. If they want to lower the suicide rate then they should start by reducing the insane amount of overtime companies expect their employees to do. But anyway, somebody has to pay for this mortal inconvenience. The families of suicide victims are charged somewhere between 90 thousand and 1 million Australian dollars for delay and clean up costs.

So my advice to those terminally depressed: If it’s all getting too much take the day off work, go see a professional, do the adult thing and sort your shit out. Don’t be a cunt and jump in front of a train for innocent bystanders and railway staff to scoop up your sloppy remains off the tracks. Nobody wants to see that shit.

*J. Sean Curtin (Fellow, GLOCOM)
http://www.glocom.org/special_topics/social_trends/20040319_trends_s72/index.html

Authors note: Apologies for the absence of anything light-hearted, fun or boozy in the above blog, oh and also for the word cunt… sorry, but they are.

and now Brock?

What is going on Australia? The big man is culling our great nations hero’s.

The Loss of an Icon

I think I speak for all Australians tonight when I say I was devoed to hear the tragic news that Australian Icon Steve Irwin was killed today in a freak sting ray accident. It is a sad day for Australia.

The End of an Era

It is with deep regret and sorrow that I bring you this tragic news. On Wednesday, the 23rd of August 2006, Andrew-chan is leaving Japan and everything in it. Andrew has been my loyal partner in crime since my very first day in Japan. We met at the airport and never looked back. Andrew I took on Tokyo the only way we knew how – drunk. I think we have both aged about 10 years in the 18 months we have been here but I think we also finally started to grow up. Last night we celebrated his farewell at a Shabu Shabu restaurant in Shinjuku and actually caught the last train home, a concept previously unheard of.


I’m devoed that he is leaving me, but on the upside he’s returning home to Sydney, which means we will be reunited for more shenanigans in the not too distant future. It means I have to wait until Christmas for long discussions over pints of beer about the state of our modern lives, for elaborate/inappropriate photo shoots, for random acts of chaos, impromptu dance routines and general mayhem.

Thank you for being here babe, Japan just would not have been the same without you. I love you lots and will see you soon.

Cue the cheesy montage.





Click below for a little impromptu interview that Andrew did with Alex and I in an Izakaya recently.

New Boyfriend #17

It’s the episode that had to come. I’ve been a little reluctant to write about my new boyfriend for fear of jinxing the budding relationship. But I’m pretty sure I got him in the bag now so I’ll spill the beans.


My boy is a J-giant. I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to find a Japanese man who wears bigger jeans than I do. The man is built because he’s a Pro-American Football player in Tokyo, which when you think about it really shouldn’t carry that much weight. But I still love to boast about it, regardless of the fact that I have never even seen an American Football game, even on TV and I still don't know what colour his team is. He thinks that I’ll love him more if I actually see him play a game.


Ishi is probably the most un-Japanese Japanese man I have met. He doesn’t have a shy bone in his body (unlike me). Last night at Andrew’s Sayonara party he gave me a quick rundown of his day (that’s me with the incredibly goofy laugh in the background but I couldn’t help it, he was too cute):



I broke an unwritten rule the other day when I suggested that he get English lessons (because I am starting Japanese). His response: “I’m not want to”. And you can’t argue with that. This coming from a man who told me Star Wars was his English teacher. Which actually makes perfect sense when you listen to him speak. His sentence structures resemble Yoda’s, maybe lacking the wisdom.



Anyway, he’ll probably be co-starring in my blog from now on, so soon you’ll get sick of hearing about him. His name is Ishi, stage name is Rock and he’s a beautiful man and my own personal rockstar.

Happy Birthday Naomi

It was Naomi's birthday on the 9th of June, which means I am about 2 & a half months late posting these pics. But better late than never ne? We went out to an Izakaya in Shibuya and then went on to a club that I have since forgotten the name of but it was a wicked night with B52's a plently and Naomi looked even more like a princess than usual. Love you girl x x

Me, Sandy and Hallie

At the club

Yamanote Love

This is a story of true love. It’s a story of two young sweethearts in the midst of budding intimacy. The kind of heart-warming romance you find on a train in Tokyo late on a Saturday night. A tale of unadulterated devotion.

After a mouth-watering steak at the Outback Steakhouse in Shibuya on Saturday night the girls and I boarded a slightly packed train to head back to the Palazetto palace. I couldn’t help but notice a kindly young gentleman helping a slightly inebriated Miss onto the train to stand directly behind me. I noticed them again as he gently caught her before her legs gave out from beneath her and watched as he adoringly held her up. As I went back to standard train practice of scoping the carriage for talent, I was drawn back to the loving couple behind me just as she proceeded to retch the entire liquid contents of her stomach. But all I saw was romance. This boy was a keeper. He swiftly covered her mouth in order to catch the projectile and protect fellow commuters from the onslaught, all while simultaneously holding her upright. He spent the rest of the ride apologising profusely to surrounding passengers and tenderly wiping the vomit from his darlings face and hair. Meanwhile I was breaking my neck to ensure my favourite skirt had escaped the affair unblemished.

That is, true love. The man put himself in the line of fire for his woman. A man like that young gem is hard to find. I just hope she appreciates him in all his glory because if she doesn’t marry him, I will. He might come in handy one night coming home from the local.

Catch up

Alright, so its come that time. It’s been a while since I had the time, energy and motivation to blog so here it is. I’m having a few time management issues at the moment. My biggest problem is work. It’s totally getting in the way of my social life. I’ve done far too much since I last wrote and I can’t remember what I’ve done. Throw a baseball game, my friends theatre production, my mums 10 day visit to Japan (which totally warrants a blog of its own but I am too lazy and a bad daughter), more than a few raucous nights out, a trip to Hakone, a little karaoke and a boyfriend in there and you’re pretty much up to date.

Last month I worked 6 days a week so the one day I did have off was spent sleeping, cleaning and shopping. Which would mean I am officially Japanese. But I have recently had my days off changed to Saturday/Sunday, which has opened up a whole new world to me. Having a proper weekend is a little dangerous because it means I can go out on both Friday and Saturday nights as opposed to only Saturday nights.

So I’ll ease back into blogging gently, I’m going to have a Pimms on the roof with my gorgeous flat mate. Stay tuned for “The complexities of intercultural relationships”, “New Boyfriend #17” and “what the fuck am I doing with my life” blogs. Over-and-out x

3-1 AUSTRALIA

On Monday night three very lovely ladies donning an abundance of Australian paraphernalia sat and watched a soccer game in a sleepy little Japanese bar near their home. Given their celebrity status in the town they received prime positions directly in front of the TV. They sat meekly for 84 minutes quietly sipping their Moscow Mules, brainstorming which players would make the cut for the ultimate dream team based solely on sex appeal and striving to unravel the enigma that is the offside rule, before conceding defeat, deciding that some things are better left unknown.

Then in the 84th minute they were blessed with a face saving goal permitting them to show up at work the next day while the next 10 minutes saw them screaming in elation. The celebrations ran into the night with drinks on the house, completely rational conversations in fluent Japanese and concluding with the creation a few new cocktails with the barman at 4am.

It would have sucked to be one of my students this week.