Me VS Fuji-san

Last Friday, I achieved the biggest physical feat of my life. At a little before sunrise on the 22nd of July I reached the top of Mount Fuji. It is a view that I will never forget in my life if only for the pain that it cost me to get there. I’m not naturally a physical person, when given the choice I choose to sit on my arse, I’m so lazy I know exactly which carriage to get on at the train station because it lines up with the escalators at the destination. But I did it. I beat the bitch and I never ever want to see that mountain again in my life. Fuji-san is 3776 meters high.
Armed with our torch hats and walking poles with bells hanging off them, we started the climb from about half way up the mountain, the 5th station at 10pm on Thursday night. After six and a half hours of slogging my arse up a mountain that never seemed to end, sinking into volcanic rock which felt more like quicksand, climbing rocks and inclines that were best achieved by crawling I stood prouder than ever at the top, freezing my arse off, high on life (or lack of oxygen) and nearly cried. Bought myself a hideously overpriced can of hot coffee and drank in an atmosphere I never imagined experiencing.

My trekking party consisted of some beautiful friends, which made the experience extra special. Andrew - who is not a stranger to this blog and a funnier mate you could not find, Naomi - my fabulous next-door neighbour who I spend many a girly night drinking red wine with, Chris – a mate who has pulled me through any tough times here in Japan (including up Fuji-san), and a group of other teachers.


It is really common for people to get altitude sickness on Fuji because it is so high, people experience this in different ways, I passed many a spewer along the way, others get headaches and sinus problems, instead I developed altitude Terrets. I said every single swear word I knew on the way up that bitch of mountain and Chris was lucky I didn't wrap my walking pole around his head while he was coaching me along when I really wanted to give up. But it was worth it for the euphoria that I felt when I finally got to the summit. It looked more like the moon than Japan. Our treat at the top was to be hot curry noodles. What a bad idea. They certainly did not sit well for the 4 hours it took us to hike down again. Going down we developed a style of rock skiing, which involved us running, jumping and sliding down often on our arses.


Before climbing Fuji I had never even seen it during the day. When we got to the bottom again on Friday we all agreed that it was a good thing we hadn’t seen it before we left. It looked so huge and so daunting that I never would have attempted it with that image in my head. I am so glad that I did it and you are never going to hear the end of it. I’m so proud of myself, I’ll be telling my grandkids about the time Grandma climbed the tallest mountain in Japan and fought off wilder beast and frostbite to reach the summit by sunrise. Anyhow, we rock and it's 12 hours of my life I’ll never forget. I climbed Mount Fuji.

Get under the table!

Being under the table is not a position that is foreign to me, however my preferred method of getting there is not during an earthquake emergency. At around 4pm today I experienced a mother earthquake during a lesson. We started rocking, but instead of the usual slight tremor, students not even battering an eyelid and my confusion over whether it is an earthquake or a dizzy hangover. There was no confusion. There was holding onto my chair and freaking out. After initially dismissing it as a daily occurrence, my student finally snapped and started running for the door, leaving me in a mad panic. Where the fuck do you run? I’m on the 4th floor of a building. Meanwhile, a member of the Japanese staff was in the next room was asking if I’m ok from under a table. No I’m not fucking ok lady, the building is shaking. After far too long the shaking from side to side subsided… and the shaking from up and down started. I’m almost in tears and my co-worker is yelling “its ok Carrie”. Apparently the quake finally stopped however I was still shaking. After being shaken up for so long it’s hard to recognise when the movement has stopped because you feel so dizzy. It was kind of difficult to go straight back into the lesson, “right then, now the building has stopped shaking, lets listen and repeat – Mary is wearing a pink shirt”, I couldn’t give a shit what Mary was wearing. Word is, the epicentre was Funabashi, a town about half an hour away from my work, where my flatmate works. She is currently (4 hours later) stuck at work, as the trains are still not running. Apparently their train tracks are not as flexible as their buildings are.

Three Month Anniversary

Yes that’s right. I have been in this amazing country for three months now. At times it feels like I have been here forever and others like I just got here yesterday. I can honestly say that this is the craziest place I have ever been, let alone lived and I love it. It’s been a challenging few months and I feel like I have learnt so much yet I still can’t even read a menu in a restaurant. I have finally settled into my job. Teaching is not a job that I could ever see my impatient arse in, but I’m doing ok. I have good days and bad. Days when I laugh all day with the students and days when I want to bash their heads together. Days when one of them will say the most profound thing in their clumsy, broken English and days when they refuse to open their mouths and simply sit and stare at me like I’m an alien. Which I guess is what I am here, no matter how long I stay and I doubt that I will ever understand the complex Japanese mentality. I have met the most amazing people here and I have made some of the funniest mates ever. You can’t beat Tokyo for an unforgettable night on the razz. Japan is a country full of contradictions. It’s modern and historical, cosmopolitan and traditional, old fashioned and chic, anal and accepting, efficient and unproductive, conservative but so outlandishly outrageous all at the same time. There is no place on earth like this wicked country and I feel so privileged to experience life here, yet it’s so much fun to take the piss (maybe I’m more Japanese than I thought). As fabulous as this wonderland is, I still miss you all so much. I think about everyone in their own little place in the world and it makes me smile. Anyhow, this posting is far too serious for this site. I’m going to have a Chu-hi and stop contemplating. Love ya guts, wherever you are x x

I'm going to a Lantern Festival

After endless boasting to my flat mates and next-door neighbors about going to a fabulous Lantern Festival, yesterday I went to the Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo for a Lantern Festival. The Lantern Festival comprised of many Lanterns. However since we are not very smart we decided to go in the day. Therefore the Lanterns were not lit up. Our plan was to head over to the Imperial Palace Gardens where we had heard a secondary Lantern Festival took place in the evening. We walked across the entire bastard city to the Imperial Palace. Since the Imperial Palace is as big as the world we couldn’t find the entrance or the secondary Lantern Festival. So instead we sat defeated in a park drinking Chu-Hi imagining what the Lantern Festival might have been like. The park was beautiful and filled with fountains, which looked amazing under the lights so it ended up being a lovely evening, despite the lack of Lanterns. Lanterns.

Chu-Hi is your friend

This is my gorgeous and sexy flatmate Christal and I on our way to a festival in Narita last night. We highly endorse this fine product. Don't go anywhere without a Chu-hi roadie for the train. Chu-hi is cheap, delicious and available at a vending machine near you. Made with Sho-chu (a spirit similar to Vodka) and your choice of fizzy fruits, its as nutritious as it is fun and guaranteed to get you drunk in no time.

New Boyfriend

The search is over. Last night I met my new boyfriend. I know you are all green with envy. He is everything a girl could want in a man. A smashing dancer. Brilliant conversationalist. Great in bed. Sexy and sporting a fabulous set of J-teeth. I'm a happy girl.

I go to hiking.

Today I can hardly move. Yesterday I went hiking in Southern Chiba with my fabulous mate Chris. I don't want to alarm anyone but I have actually been doing a spot of exercise lately. I tried everything I could think of to get out of climbing this mountain. I falsified weather reports, feigned bad knees and when that didn’t work I fell down a huge drain at the base of the mountain. Unfortunately I didn’t damage anything other than my pride and my pants and was forced to start climbing in my wet shoes. A bucket load of sweat later I reached the top and was rewarded by some enormous stone carved statues and an amazing view. This is the biggest stone carved Buddha in Japan. As I was walking down the mass of stairs leading to this spiritual being I stepped on a black snake, which sent me into high-pitched hysteria. I ran kicking and screaming into the clearing only to be confronted with this huge construction surrounded by a bunch of people mid prayer staring at the obnoxious gaijin disrupting the peace. We sat for a while breathing in the serenity (and incense) and started the trek back down. Yesterday’s feat was actually a trial run for me as I am attempting to climb Fuji-san on the 22nd of this month. We are going to climb over night and hope to be at the top for sunrise. Apparently it’s quite tough, really cold and the altitude makes it difficult to breathe. Perfect conditions for an unfit asthmatic. Wish me luck!

A+ Comm Skills

Grammar and talking good English has never been my strong point. So why, you may ask am I attempting to teach poor Japanese housewives, salarymen and stressed out teens English? It’s an interesting career choice for a person who finds it difficult to complete a sentence without the F-word. I like to think that this ineptitude isn't entirely my fault. I wasn't taught this at school. When my students ask me difficult grammar related questions my answer is usually "just cause" or "its just one of those things". My favorite excuse is "because otherwise its not natural". So I think I've found my place in my little school. My specialty is casual language. If ever they go to Australia and want to talk to the average Joe. They'll like, know how. I had a man to man lesson with a high level student the other day. His vocab was better than mine, his word choice admirable and grammar perfect. So I asked him "what part of your English would you like to improve?" his reply: "I want to be able to talk like you". I was like, well that’s easy mate, stop using all those big words and try to say 'fuck' a lot. But they can't do it. What these people need to learn is all the colloquial language and idioms that we take for granted. I've taken it upon myself to help them. So now I teach my students, its not "I don’t understand" its "I don’t get it”. You’re not ‘tired’, you ‘can’t be arsed’. I’ll have them up to scratch in no time. They’ll love me for it too when they tell their Canadian host family “Fuck off, I can’t be arsed to go to shopping this arvo”.

Bowling for Katsutadai

How can ten pin bowling get any better? Its already so hip. But this is Japan. And they do it better. Try bowling in a ridiculous bowling pin suit. It really helped my game. You could also try harassing the staff. Pressuring them to be your bowling partner, forcing them to wear a ridiculous bowling pin suit and making them give you free stuff. Take the piss out of those that actually take the shit seriously and try to make a general jackass of yourself. You'll be making friends in no time and bowling like a pro. I also find its best if you add beer and take a few of your funnest mates to giggle with. Sexy.

All aboard the J-train

The public transport system in Japan is without a doubt the most efficient I have ever encountered. Like clockwork one might say. The train is also where you will meet the strangest of individuals, sweet old ladies, drunken salary-men and glittering J-teens. It's where any person who can speak even two words of English will strike up a conversation with you in an attempt to practice their language skills. This usually results in an unintelligible hybrid Jap-glish charade about the weather. I find if you just nod and say ok a lot it generally makes them happy. The other entertaining fact about riding the J-train is that everyone, absolutely everyone falls asleep on the train. Its not uncommon to have a salary-man on either side of you sleeping with both their heads on your shoulders. What amazes me the most, is that they all seem to know when to wake up and get off. It's an intrinsic reaction. Little robots waking up just in time to step off the train and wander home. As a henna gaijin in this country, I don't have this ability. Which is why on several occassions now I have woken up in the middle of no-where, dazed and confused, wiping the sleep out of my eyes trying to work out where the hell I am and the best way to get home again. I took this picture of Andrew on our way home from a big night out in Shibuya. We really wanted to capture the moment, so Drew pretended to fall asleep on old mates shoulder. Old mate woke up the instant the flash went off, realised our caper and hit Andrew, sending me into total hysterics. I roared laughing the rest of they way home, but the J's didn't mind. They just slept right through it.

Atsuii desu ne

This photo has no relevance what-so-ever to this post, but anyway. The heat here is getting unbearable. This morning I got to the train station dripping, sat down next to this little old lady and said one of the only Japanese sentences I know: Atsuii desu ne (it's hot isn't it?). She inevitably replied with a whole bunch of Japanese, I couldn't understand. She instantly realised and sparked up a conversation in English. We chatted for a while, she saw me clearly struggling with the heat so she pulled a fan out of her bag and started fanning me!! Here I am sitting in the sweltering heat getting fanned by a little old lady. Bless her. The people in Japan are so sweet.

Sexy men desu ne

It may be a sign that I have been in Japan too long, but the men here are getting sexier and sexier. The problem with this is that sexy J-men tend to be attracted to sexy J-women as apposed to gaijin booze hags. It leaves me shit out of luck anyhow. This is a photo I took on my last night out in Shibuya. We went to an Izakaya and met these blokes. They were the funnest and the guy in the blue jacket was fit as hell. They taught us loads of J-drinking games and then took us to Yoyogi Park where we proceeded to swim in the fountain. It's amazing how fluent my japanese becomes after a few drinks. Either that or I have whole conversations comprised of "whats your name? whats your name? whats your name?". But most likely I am just yelling random Japanese words at them while they laugh and answer me in English. Anyhow, I have decided that I definately need a J-man to teach me Japanese. A really cute one.

Sweat Machine

I dont walk to work. I swim. It is so humid here I feel like I have to push through the hot, wet air and swim to work. It also means by the time I get there I'm dripping in sweat. It's totally sexy. All the cute little J-girls are trotting around in their glittering heels with their perfect hair and perfect matte skin without a trace of sweat. Meanwhile the giant, spotty, sweaty, gaijin meanders past about to drop from the heat, make-up sliding off her face, hair stuck to her head, sporting the sexiest sweat patches in Japan. But I've discovered their secret - PIT PADS. Yes, the good people of Japan have invented PIT PADS. A sanitary napkin for UNDER YOUR ARMS. I haven't tried these babies yet, I've only seen them in stores. But the woman on the packet seems totally happy with them and she can enjoy sweat stain free shirts. Anyhow, I must invest. When in Rome and all that. No need for those unsightly sweaty pits.

Stealth computer

My computer is the stealthiest, not to mention the sexiest. I have a hot new ibook from the Apple store in Ginza. And because its a mac, it has special powers. If I sit my computer on top of the teev I can steal internet from beyond, or maybe just the neighbors. So it's my mission to download as much free music, movies and porn as possible until they cotten on and cut me off. It also allows me to return to my status as a net nerd or net otaku as we japanese like to say. Buying this computer has rendered me completely skint so for the rest of this month I am eating popcorn for dinner (I picked up a tops deal - 28 bags of microwave popcorn for only $9). Granted its not the best popcorn i've ever tasted, and there are always a lot of kernels that go unpopped, but it was still a bargain. Anyway, it's a good thing I have this computer to entertain me, since I can't afford to go out any more. My fabulous mate Andrew has shown me the ways of the mac and I will be forever in his debt. It rocks my world.

Japanese 101

I just had my very first Japanese lesson. I think my sensei thought I was retarded. He expected me to be able to read Japanese & I clearly can't. All I saw was scribbles on a page. He says that this is an experience for him as I am the lowest student he has ever taught. Thanks mate, way to get me motivated. I have a new found respect for my own students now. Learning a new language sucks nuts & it's bloody hard. Can you imagine teaching a fully grown woman the alphabet & how to say "Bob is not a doctor"? At least now I know how to say I am not American! "Watashi wa Amerika-jin ja arimasen desu!"

Shake et

My world literally started to rock last night at about 2.15am when I was woken from my slumber by yet another earth quake. 5.6 on the richter scale. I am trying to get used to the little buggers, but I'm struggling. Sometimes I can't help but think, “what if this is it, what if this is the mother quake?” either that or “oh my god this hang over really is bad, the room’s not only spinning its rocking”. We have at least one a week, but they never fail to freak me out. When they happen while I'm sleeping, it really feels like someone is shaking me awake. I wake up pissed at first and then just shit scared waiting for the walls to stop shaking.