The Winter of My Discontent

I write this sat donned in my woolly hat, scarf, overcoat and legwarmer’s. My fingers are frozen because I can’t type in gloves. The winter weather has struck a nerve and I fear I am as bitter as the cold. The temperature is causing a few minor anger management issues and must keep reminding myself not to take it out on friends, students, flatmates, colleagues, fellow commuters, the cashier at 7/11 and Japan.

Yesterday I opened my door to snow covered rooftops and giggled in girlish excitement. Being only the 3rd time I’d seen snow I was eager to embrace its frosty beauty. By lunchtime the novelty had completely soaked through and I was convinced that hell had in fact frozen over. Going to work is hardly fun however it is considerably less fun when you have to waddle through the treacherous snow wearing your entire wardrobe in layers, dodging puddles & slip, trip & skating on ice patches.

Just quietly, I found these photos of Tokyo (taken in the last few days) on the web.

New Year

Endo, Headie and Ang

I celebrated New Year in style. It was an exclusive event in a plush apartment overlooking the ocean coordinated by Mr Anthony Endersby. He couldn't have done a better job. The view was divine, food exquisite, cocktails to die for and the company 2nd to none. The VIP list saw a long list of celebs including; Ang, Headie, Meg, Ashy, Min, Rossco, Jake, Peta, Purcell, Henry, a fit bloke that Meg brought & his brother and a special guest appearance by Josie, Jane and Phil’s adorable new daughter and others. It was an honour to see such talent in the same room. The evening saw fireworks across the water, a 9pm show of raw beer skulling talent followed by awe inspiring song and dance, a little romance, brilliant conversation and moonlit escapades on the beach. This 1st class evening was perfectly followed by a glorious New Years day spent on the beach.

My best friend Ang

Min, Henry and Rossco

Kurt (the fit guy) and my chaperone for the evening

Me and Peta

Is anyone as disturbed as I am by this picture? In my defense, this was taken towards the end of the evening, the cigarette isn't lit and I always said I was a Booze Hag.

and the million dollar view brought to you by Endo's oldies. Nice one.

Happy Merry Christmas!

As promised, I haven’t stopped eating since I got to Australia. I expect to be at least 10 kilos heavier by the time I get back to Japan. I had a very merry Christmas day, started with a Champagne breakfast with my extended family at mums house. Once we had finished eating breakfast, it was time for lunch so Heath and I headed into Dads place for a roast lunch and a glorious game of volleyball in the pool. After loosing the game (dodgy team mates). Heath and I sang up a (drunken) storm before heading to my grandma’s for another feast. Got to hang with my gorgeous little cousin before rolling home to bed. Hope you all had a fabulous day!



look like my dad much?

I'm comin' home, so you better get the party started

That’s right, I'm leaving this god forsaken freezing country today for the warmth and sunshine of AUS! This time tomorrow I’ll be enjoying a beer in my mum’s new inflatable pool in the backyard. Two and a half weeks in AUS should give me just long enough to get sunburned, drink my body weight in decent Australian wine and get fat off my grandma’s cooking.

BRING ON THE SUN, THE BEER & THE BBQ’S.

Do my ears look big in this?

This week the opportunity to partake in the super-sexual Japanese facial mask craze arose. Although I can’t help but think I chose the wrong style. I think this one makes my ears stick out. I have been off work for the last week with what started as pharyngitis and developed into a mild case of pneumonia. But, please don't tell my grandma that, she’d ship my arse back to Australia, tie me to a chair and force me to listen to her Greatest Hits on repeat. Including old favourites such as “Don’t go outside with wet hair”, “Are you taking your medicine?” and my personal fave “Are you sure you’re eating enough?”

So, over $1000 in medical bills, about $800 in lost wages (the bastards don't pay me for sick days), a shot of steroids in my bum and a real fear of having to stay in a Japanese hospital later, the 7 days of sitting/laying on my arse taught me a few things. Good TV never gets boring, your bum actually hurts when you sit on it for too long & breathing is fun.

Seriously, this week off with nothing else to do except watch the box has enabled me to contemplate some of the bigger issues in life. For example, How do people complete a Rubik’s Cube™ without peeling off the stickers? Will Gabrielle’s attempt to sabotage Carlos’ relationship with his Catholic Nun succeed? Or will it only push him away? Why don't more people in Japan get braces? There are orthodontists all over Japan just crying out for the mother-load. How do photocopiers work? (that's Naomi’s fault) How can a doctor get paid $600 for a single visit? What do Japanese bakeries do with the crusts off the bread? Why aren’t I a doctor? What is it about J-men that makes them so god damn beautiful?

Actually, it was mostly just the last one, and I think it has something to do with bone structure.

After bringing home enough drugs to start my own business, which I’ll actually need to do to pay for my medical bills, my body is no longer running of its own accord. My veins are flowing pure vegetable juice and I’m all pumped up on vitamins and steroids. So if I look a little bulky next time you see me you’ll know why. On second thought maybe I’ll just go for the more traditional style, it’s always best to stick with the classics. It's almost a shame that I'm starting to feel loads better now, these babies are quite becoming.



ps. No, I didn't go outside with wet hair
Yes, I'm taking my medicine
& Yes, I'm sure i'm eating enough

Sayonara Yukarigaoka

Last month I had to say goodbye to my little school in Yukarigaoka. After moving to Tokyo it took me close to an hour and a half to get to work in Yukari, after doing the commute for 3 months, I finally caved and am now working at a school a much more reasonable 40 minutes from my home. I was really sad to leave Yukari and I will miss (most of) my students loads. Here is a pic of my favourite Kinder class, from left; Saya, Yuta, Shiori, Takumi, Naoki, Fumihiro, Suguru and some random child who would always wander in to help do the Hokey Pokey. Yes, I remembered all their names. This class made my week because I had them every Monday morning and they are all so adorable (even when they slobbered all over me).



This is Keisuke, he’s one of the higher level students (the ones that know bigger words than you). He used to bring his Law homework in, in an attempt to get me to help him translate legal documents (this usually ended in me banging my head against the desk).



And these are the people that I worked with everyday (minus Nicky). Ian (my boss) and the most diplomatic man I have ever met, Kumiko (the J-staff boss) she is the sweetest thing ever and Dhugal (the reason half the Japanese housewives wanted to learn Engrish) an extra chilled Australian.



I miss you guys loads, Sayonara Yukarigaoka.

The House that Love Built

I think I probably live in the coolest house in Japan. Not only do I live here, but so do two of the hottest chicks in Japan - Naomi and Sandy. This country is not always the easiest place to live, which is why having your own little family to come home to is so special. After a hard day of trying to decipher monotonous longwinded stories in appalling broken English its nice to come home to mates who share my pain and who are always willing to listen to me complain, boast, cry or laugh. Sandy, a sexy fellow Australian preserves my Australian humour, makes sure I’m eating my vegetables and maintains my global perspective while Naomi, a gorgeous Brit drags our jokes out of the gutter and provides our house its cosmopolitan edge with that special element of class that only she was born with while, impressing us with inventive recipe ideas creatively dubbed “Naomi specials”.

We three girls have a lot in common, all fabulously sexy, hilariously witty and surprisingly single. We share many common interests, red wine, chocolate, men and vodka. We enjoy similar pastimes, be it sitting in a grimy little pub shouting random Japanese words at a small old Japanese man with a cheeky grin and little to no knowledge of English, necking a Cosmopolitan at a pole dancing club in downtown Shibuya or snuggled up on my bed with a bottle of red absorbed in the Desperate Housewives Omnibus. One thing is for certain we have the most fun together, we look after each other like family and I’m incredibly lucky and grateful for landing such gorgeous, generous and loving mates in such a crazy place.

Happy Birthday Andrea!

Saturday night we celebrated Andrea’s birthday in style at an amazing dining hall called Christon Café. Then after a quick stop off at home & a few sneaky chu-hi’s we headed to the best night club in Tokyo. I forget the name of it, but I totally recommend it because the barman is totes hot and if you hassle him all night he’ll reward you with many free Cosmopolitan’s and his phone number.



Photo's courtesy of Sandy's Keitai

Terrifyingly Sexy

As promised, I celebrated Halloween with a bunch of the sexiest girls in Tokyo. Naomi (aka Batgirl), Sandy (Hot Vampire), Christal (The Sexy Texan), Hallie (Japanese Schoolgirl), Andrea (Cowgirl), Chris (Dirty Pimp) and Me (Puss-in-boots). We haunted allegedly the largest club in Asia - AGEHA, and we had a disturbingly wicked time. This nightclub holds up to 3000 people so we inevitably spend the majority of the night trying to find each other, but meeting some crazy people along the way. The club boasts a dangerous pool area, with hundreds of people crowed around the pool, I couldn't help but push some random bloke in. I’m sure he enjoyed his quick dip. They are a bit strict on the old rules though and we were not allowed to take cameras in so here are some before pics (note: my lack of costume, I picked it up when I got there).






This was some random bloke called Daisuke that we met on the train, I think he was a little bit scared - "Ageha Ikimashou"



Yes, apart from being devistatingly sexy, we are also a bunch of posers.

Kyoto for Rockstars

After being in Japan for over 6 months, Andrew and I thought that it was about time that we experienced some true Japanese culture. We felt that we had grown up a lot in 6 months. The number of all-nighters pulled in a week was in dramatic decline and we were starting to appreciate the finer things in Tokyo, we had once even come dangerously close to entering a museum. What better place to celebrate our new-found adulthood than the cultural capital of Japan, Kyoto.



Feeling incredibly proud of ourselves that we had managed to organise a holiday for two we met in Tokyo station at 11am on Tuesday. We were thrilled to be finally catching the much talked about Shinkansen or Bullet Train. This baby would arrive us in Kyoto a mere 3 hours later. Waiting for the train, our hearts filled with hope and adventure, we dubbed this trip our Journey of Self-Discovery. A quick inventory check: Hopes, ideals, maps, mobiles, clothing, accessories, credit cards, itinerary and 2 return Shinkansen tickets. On second thought we had a whole 3 hours on this thing. We better get a beer. Or two. Ok, get three. Yeah, may as well get four. So on we hopped with a six-pack each. It’s a holiday after all. We didn’t have to feel guilty about being drunk before lunch.

They were right, that train does go very fast. It’s a little bit blurry too.



Once in Kyoto we stepped off the train and fell over giggling before standing back up again and surprisingly finding our hotel, for the next two days we admired many temples and appreciated many bars. Probably more bars than temples actually.





On the fourth day of our journey of self-discovery I woke up unnaturally early with the distinct feeling that there was something missing in my life. A mental checklist revealed many things; morals, maturity, self-control, money, tact and 2 return Shinkansen tickets to Tokyo. After careful collaboration we came to the conclusion that we had misplaced many of these things in Kyoto in our drunken stupor.



Begging and fake crying at the train station ticket office provided no love. Our beloved Shinkansen tickets were not going to be re-issued. Our options were two; a) pay $120 each for new Shinkansen tickets or b) pay $60 each for an 8-hour bus ride back to Tokyo. A quick review of our financial situation found us racing for the bus stop. Determined to find positive in our hideous situation, we decided that the bus journey would give us ample opportunity to take a good hard look at ourselves. The 8 hours provided many realisations, but predominantly that perhaps we are not responsible enough to go on holiday, especially together.



For a more detailed account of our Kyoto trip, check out Andrew's Blog.

House Party

Saturday night we kick started our Halloween festivities by attending a house party of a friend of a friends. When you say “house party” in Japan one might conjure up images of a small gathering including wine and nibblies in a tiny studio apartment. We rocked up expecting to meet 5 other people and be sat around a table discussing the state of our modern lives. Our eyes lit up when we got to the door to find at least 100 other pairs of shoes. Inside there were people wall to wall. We managed to squeeze our way through to find a sweet spot on the balcony. The details of the night get a little sketchy after this point. But I do recall telling the most convoluted bullshit story to some poor innocent J-girl who listened and nodded in all the right places. “I do miss my 4 horses I keep at home in England but my husband and I are loving Japan”, “yes, we met at law school”, “I know, we do look young to be able to afford such a huge mansion in the country but my parents are rich”, “yes, that's Naomi, she was my bridesmaid”, “yeah a beautiful coral taffeta dress”. We thought we had given away the game after we told her that Naomi doesn't speak much English, she’s Dutch. The girl instantly starts speaking to Naomi in Dutch. “aah, eer did I say Dutch? I meant Deutch”. I vaguely remember this cute J-boy that I fed some more bollocks to. “How old are you?”, “19? Really? Me too!” Apparently I was quite taken with him because the next day I found about 15 photos of us on my camera. Anyhow, the party was so cool I think I actually enjoyed my hang-over at work on Sunday. We will be continuing our Halloween stint at the biggest nite-club in Asia this Saturday night. I’m going all out with the costume and wearing some clip on cat ears. I can’t help being poverty stricken. It will be hot anyhow.

New BFF

Niall Gallen recently took poll position as my BFF (best friend forever) when he came to visit me last week. Moving to a foreign country, every man and his dog promise to come visit you, but Niall actually came up with the goods and it was wicked to see him! I thought that it was important that he experience some pure Japanese culture, so I took him shopping in Shibuya, Akihabara and Harajuku and to a traditional “British Pub” near my house.

Happy Birthday Sandy!

Wednesday was Sandy's birthday. So to celebrate the birthday of one of the coolest chicks in Japan, we headed to the local. In our cozy little local we met up with our newest family member, "Ohno". Ohno, is officially our Japanese father and our "in case of emergency contact" in Japan. The fact that he can't speak a lick of English may hinder the contacting part during the emergency but hopefully he'll have his handy translating side-kick with him. Sandy got the full treatment for her birthday and we got to experience true Japanese hospitality. We were given all the food and drink we could consume and then some. Then after that he took us to Karaoke where we received more food and drink and endless entertainment. Sandy got birthday cake and flowers and the works! Anyhow, as you can see in the following photographs, I think I'm turning Japanese. The similarity is uncanny, it's not entirely impossible that Ohno could be mistaken for my real father.