My 25th Birthday

On Saturday the 20th of May I celebrated my 25th birthday for the 3rd time. I felt like the luckiest girl in Japan surrounded by my best friends and my mum to celebrate my favourite day of the year. We had a fabulous night at the Christon Café in Shinjuku with gourmet delights and Moscow Mules a plenty. Mum scored some major brownie points with my mates when she proved she can still drink like the rest of us and possibly gave some insight as to where I got my talent. Upon entering the dining hall we were curious as to why they would stick us in the upstairs corner, however towards the end of the evening it became obvious with foreigners screaming across the room, elaborate photo shoots, Andrew’s beautifully choreographed dance routines and a small brawl as a finale. It was a wicked evening with wicked friends, sitting at that table it dawned on me that it was finally ok to be turning 25 because I know what life is about. Thank you for a perfect birthday guys, I love you x x x

Japanzine

I’m pretty slow these days, but big up Japanzine for publishing my Board Bunnies blog in the April issue of their magazine. Thanks also for sending me a couple of copies because I was too slow to get my own. You guys rock. Now that my blog has been published I like to consider myself a celebrity. I’m currently considering selling the movie rights to my blog because it would naturally be a box office hit but my only concern is who would play the lead? What actress could possibly pull of that delicate balance that is the Booze Hag? Frankly, I’m just not convinced anyone is up for the part…

Min did Tokyo

Because I am a slacker, I am 2 weeks too slow reporting on Min’s trip to Tokyo. But anyway, Min came to Tokyo! Min came to Tokyo for 5 days on her way to her new life in London and it was wicked to see her. Min urged me to partake in such cultural activities I would otherwise never have embarked, for example a tour of the National Diet Building (Japan’s Government House). We signed up for the tour under the promise of English headphones only to be denied at the point of no return but it turned out to be fabulous. Min learnt something and I had fun mock translating the tour guide for an hour. We appreciated culture a little closer to home when we went to nomihodai (all-you-can-drink) at the Shinagawa Prince Hotel 39th floor bar, which for me was the highlight of the trip. The view was spectacular, the service amazing, the cocktails sweet and the company priceless. It felt like another world sitting up there gazing over one of the biggest metropolis in the world, for some reason I was reminded of sitting at my computer playing Sim City in my sleepy old Cambridge days. Min was lucky enough to experience one of Tokyo’s more prestigious events, an Anton all-star party, which was sadly the last because it was his farewell. Anton rocks for all kinds of reasons but mostly because he introduced to a special big man I’ll boast later.




Having Min here gave me the opportunity to see Tokyo through tourist eyes again. I remembered how daunting everything was when I first got here. How difficult it was and how alien I felt. It was good to do some sight seeing, but it was great to spend time with an old friend. It was awesome to have her here and I know she is going to love life in London. Thanks Mindle, you rock.

Nihongo Wakarimasen

Before leaving Australia I set several goals for myself while in Japan. Number one was to learn Japanese. Number two was to save some money. Number three was to make great friends and have a fabulous time. The last one I have completely in the bag and I have managed to make a slight dint in my mountain of debt. But I have now been in Japan for one year and still can’t speak a word of Japanese. I’m not exactly sure why I am broadcasting this shameful fact but I felt the need to confess. In my defence I speak English all day at work, my flatmates are Commonwealth citizens and my Japanese friends just laugh when I attempt to speak their tongue. But not only can I not speak Japanese, my own English ability is getting progressively worse. I find myself saying things like: “yes, the roads are very crowded today”, “many, many people go to shopping in Shibuya”, “Maybe ok” and I’ve lately been referring to my weekends as “special holidays”. My vocab is wasting away because my brain can only process one language. For every Japanese word I learn, an English word slips away. I speak slower than a stroke victim. I have developed a vacant stare when there is talk of anything intellectual in the office and to me ‘current affairs’ are which J-boys my friends are dating this week. And I refute the theory that any of this is a result of excessive cocktail consumption chipping away at my brain cells. It’s just a simple fact of J-life. しょうがない。

12 months in Japan

Today marks one year in the land of the rising sun for me. I spent the day pondering exactly how that may have happened, but like every foreigner in my situation, I still can’t work it out. At times I feel like I have been here forever and forget how easy it is to function in the western world, but mostly everything is still as shiny, new and confusing as a Louis Vuitton bag in a display case. I often wonder how long it would take in this wacky country for anything to feel real because I still feel like I am on vacation.

In Nippon I live in a bubble. But a glorious one. Sure, I’ve learnt how to order my food at lunchtime without getting the double-extreme ultra-pork value set. I’ve mastered the train system and I can even stand peacefully on a packed commuter without wanting to punch the walls. I’ve stomached schools of raw fish, eaten creepy sea creatures and even raw horse, but strangely, still can’t bring myself to eat Natto (fermented soy beans) or anything that is still moving.

I’ve sung my heart out at Karaoke. Subjected myself to shopping torture in Shibuya. I penetrated the hideous crowds of glittering J-girls tottering about only to find that the L-size clothes may have fit me when I was eight years old but sure as hell aren’t going anywhere near me now. I’ve pushed the limits of Nomihodai (all-you-can-drink) and wondered when the establishments will realise that it’s like holding a red flag up to a bull by allowing gaijin to partake.

I’ve swum in fountains, scaled walls, frolicked in gardens and danced up a storm. I’ve drunk with tired old salary men, swapped horror stories with fellow gaijin, made mates with random strangers and accosted folk on the street. And everywhere I go I never fail to meet the most beautiful strangers each with a wicked story to tell.




I have been in Japan for one year and despite its flaws I can’t help but love the place. The past year has been an experience I will never forget. It’s had extreme highs and critical lows but never even remotely boring. I have the most gorgeous friends in the world. We live in the craziest city on earth and we know where to go to get free drinks. Why wouldn’t we love life?

Rhythm Nation

Today is the first Sunday in a long time that I've actually made it out of bed, & for what better an occasion than the Taiko Festival at Narita temple. There’s something about these drums that fascinates me. The thunderous beats are full of energy and as soon as I hear them I can’t help but smile. It was wicked to see so many people loving it today. It really is something special. As soon as I find an English speaking sensei I’m there. Totally.

Other Peoples Blogs

After recently browsing other people’s blogs, I have discovered a fundamental design flaw in my own. It’s not anonymous. I was silly enough to include my name and mug shot and because of this and the fact that my mum, grandparents and the majority of the people I know and their mums are aware of this URL it means it has to be strictly censored. I think this could be far more interesting if I only I could be blatantly honest about my drunken antics and debauchery but I think my mum still holds a faint glimmer of respect for me so I’ll continue to keep a lid on it.

It’s also quite lucky that blogging requires a number of deliberate steps and thought processes, which prevents me from drunk-blogging. Unlike my mobile phone, which has recently evolved into a weapon of mass destruction. It would probably be best if I didn't have my keitai at 4:30am after a disastrous experience in a seedy gay club in the middle of Shinjuku, because then I couldn’t call a certain big man repeatedly in tears until he came and rescued me. Censorship regulations prevent me from disclosing details but lets just say that being the sole woman in a club packed with 300 sweaty men all trying to bone each other does certain things to a woman’s psyche which is not good. Having a phone in my drunken possession is why I spent the majority of Sunday and Monday building bridges. I thinking maybe a 9 digit unlock code could be the answer but I’m open to suggestions…

Cock Festival

… No, that's not a typo.


This week my mate Chris text me and asked if I wanted to go to a cock festival on Sunday. Excitedly, I accepted the invitation “I would love to go to a rock festival!” But it wasn’t a typo. It actually was a cock festival. Due to unforseen circumstances I was unable to attend the event but Chris emailed me the evidence. Apparently it was a fertility festival, celebrating the penis. But I think it was just an excuse for a bunch of men to get their bits out in public.

Foxes in the snow

Those that know me, probably wonder where I get my buns of steel. It’s probably a number of factors, namely genetics and a strict diet and exercise regime (I drink diet coke in my vodka and I dance up a storm on a Saturday night) but probably predominantly because I am a snowboarder. I can call myself a snowboarder because I have been four days in the last month and I also think that qualifies me to be “outdoorsy”.


Andrew and I decided to throw caution to the wind and go on a holiday together again. It was a bold move but we thought that we were ready. This time we did it right. We left all alcohol at home, took responsibility for our belongings and our sexual selves and attempted to behave for 2 days.


Despite getting covered in bruises and gaining a mild concussion it was a successful weekend. I am getting much better on my board and after much coaxing from the lift-men (who again gave me lots of praise and candy) I ventured past the beginners slope. Actually I ventured a lot further and got lost in the next village. I am far more confident now, but confidence just means bigger stacks maybe a little fewer in frequency.

The end of the snow season is painfully close so I fear that I will have to hang up my boots until next year. Totes devoed its over but it was wicked while it lasted. Pretty sure that next season will be a perfect time to begin our professional careers, but for now we will just have to retire as top seeded amateurs. Loves et.

I need rocks.

Last night 4 very sexy ladies went to an all-star house party for Anton’s birthday. We love Anton because he has wicked parties, is wicked fun and knows lots of sexy J-boys. Last night we met an enormous J with huge arms and dubbed him Rocks because a) the name totally suited his gargantuan physique and b) after carefully studying his drink he declared: “I need rocks” and set off to put some ice in his drink. Rocks totally lived up to his name and rocked our world piggy backing me round the party and providing us unlimited giggles. I also devised a sexy new drink - Sho-chu and cold tea. Delicious and nutritious. After a friendly visit by the J-police, home time saw a legendary taxi hustle when our miscalculations proved there was one too many people for the cab I did a stellar blatantly obvious dive for the floor, I’m sure the driver was totally unaware of his stowaway. I would have photos to document the night had if some idiot had remembered to charge my camera so you will just have to imagine how hot we were and how big our new best friend is.

Board Bunnies

Last week I discovered my true calling in life when Sandy, Naomi and I embarked on a well-deserved winter adventure in the sexy ski-slopes of Nagano prefecture. Snowboarding is not for everyone. It requires dedication, determination and a sexy snow enseme. Equipped with one of those, we three ladies absolutely carved it up.

It was the first time I boarded, a person of lesser physical coordination and stature might endeavour to get a lesson or two but it was obvious from the outset that I was a natural and I decided to waive the trivial lesson. I boldly took my board up the lift breathing in the winter panoramas and the chilly mountain air. At the top people were sliding about with ease. I snapped on my board and attempted to get up. 15 minutes later I was still attempting to get up. Half an hour later in a fit of rage and frustration I decided to pack it in. Took off my board and watched it sail down the mountain without me. There is a little strap on a snowboard that one should tie around their leg to prevent these accidents happening, they probably tell you this in lessons. Instead the guy behind me shrieked and took off down the mountain in an attempt to capture the elusive board before it wiped out my fellow snowboarders. Alas, he was too late. It sped down taking out one unsuspecting victim and landed in the car park at the bottom of the hill, fortunately there were no major injuries because we would have looked like total bitches pissing ourselves laughing at the top. This incident would be the first in a succession of events that led us to believe the people in Nagano are among the friendliest in the world. The kind gentleman retrieved my board, carried it back up on the lift and on return immediately fixed it to my leg for me to carry the bloody thing back down the mountain in a huff. After screaming to the girls that I would see them in the fucking bar, Sandy and Naomi came to my rescue. We spend a much needed half an hour teaching me how to get my arse off the ground and I was away. I never looked back either. I’d say I’ll need a couple more runs down the beginners slope before I turn pro, but its only a matter of time.



Exhausted after our first day of tearing up the slopes we headed back to our resort to a) go for a piping hot bath and b) find the sexy young man who gave us unlimited assistance whenever we needed it. His name is Eiji and from now on we will refer to him as my boyfriend. My boyfriend worked on reception, which was very convenient and we came up with any excuse imaginable to visit him. We asked for directions, loaned his gear, took his advice, got change for the vending machine and borrowed many random items. Then of course I needed to return the many random borrowed items and then when there was nothing left to borrow I finally asked him to come drink with us. Eiji brought his snowboarding mates and their Nagano hospitality to the TV room and we sat up playing drinking games with the ridiculous amount of alcohol that they provided. PIN, PAN > PON. I was in awe when I realised that I was sitting with a celebrity, one of my boyfriend’s mates was actually the Pro-jumper that I saw during the day doing massive jumps and somersaults in the air! We managed to convince the PRO guy to give us free lessons the next day (which he did while holding an umbrella, I was impressed). This time he taught us to bend our knees but I’m sure next time he’ll move on to the jumping part.

"New York" and Eiji (bear in mind he had hat hair coz I stole his hat).

By day two we were everybody’s friend. The women wanted to be us and the men wanted to be with us and everybody wanted to help us. We were rockstars of the slopes, the lift men even gave us candy. Naomi had convinced one of our new boarding mates to let us ride the snow-mobile by ourselves. He showed us where the accelerator and the brake were and when his boss wasn’t looking we sped off up the slopes with the wind in our hair - about 10 metres up the hill before I nearly rolled it and he confiscated it. Those things are very similar to Quad’s; very difficult to turn…

Our sexy snow holiday is probably the best holiday I have had in Japan. A wicked time with fabulous friends and sexy men and there is just something about a ski wardrobe that makes everyone looks hot. And it is simply fate that our newfound snowboarding mates live right near us in Tokyo in the summer. The gang will be back together in April because snowboarding is not just a sport. It's a way of life. Rock on.

Suddenly Sexual

On Valentine’s day I received a fortune cookie that read: “someone special will cross your path”. I tossed it in the trash with all the other of the promises of love I receive, but on Saturday I met Irene and I knew that it was the real thing. Irene has shown me a world I never even knew existed. She opened a door to a place that I thought unattainable and spewed light into my otherwise colourless existence. She came into my life only yesterday but already I can’t imagine my life without her. Had I known I was this way inclined I would have acted far sooner, but I wasn’t to know. With Irene I have found solace. Irene - you complete me.

I’m a little unhappy with her battery life and word on the street is that she will be replaced next month with an even hotter full-screen video version but you can’t stand in the way of love. Her games excite me, her music does all kinds of things to me and her loyal entertainment has given me the quality of commute I deserve. Sexual.

Do yourself a favour and buy an iPod

Valentines Shmalentines

Valentines Day. Some people think it’s a big fat load of commercial bollocks and refuse to buy into the Hallmark event. We call them – single. V-day in Japan is slightly different in that only the women are sent into a buying frenzy. Today men received ridiculously expensive chocolates from their sweethearts, while the women got jack-shit. But there’s no need to feel sorry for them, the 14th of March “White Day” is payback, where men are traditionally expected to spend 40-60% more on their Mrs. So this wacky mix-up is clearly the only reason I didn’t receive any gifts of love today. Clearly.

Happy Birthday Christal

Jason, Christal and Keiko

Last night we celebrated my gorgeous ex-flatmate, current colleague and fabulous friend Christal’s birthday Karaoke style and it was hot. It was two hours of all-you-can-drink frivolity, which is all the fuel you need to belt out an incredibly moving Power Ballad or two. Last night I expanded my repertoire with a little Bon Jovi and a fine Guns and Roses number but couldn’t surpass my usual routine of Pat Benetar, Bonnie Tyler and everybody’s favourite duet – Love Shack. When the free Sho-chu stopped flowing there, Naomi and I circumnavigated the train station before attempting to speak very bad Japanese to every Toshi, Daisuke & Hiroyuki in our way. It’s amazing how fluent my Japanese is after a bottle of Sho-chu, I really think I connected with an old bloke on the train.

Naomi and I - Karaoke Queens

Mark being a charmer

The Winter of My Discontent

I write this sat donned in my woolly hat, scarf, overcoat and legwarmer’s. My fingers are frozen because I can’t type in gloves. The winter weather has struck a nerve and I fear I am as bitter as the cold. The temperature is causing a few minor anger management issues and must keep reminding myself not to take it out on friends, students, flatmates, colleagues, fellow commuters, the cashier at 7/11 and Japan.

Yesterday I opened my door to snow covered rooftops and giggled in girlish excitement. Being only the 3rd time I’d seen snow I was eager to embrace its frosty beauty. By lunchtime the novelty had completely soaked through and I was convinced that hell had in fact frozen over. Going to work is hardly fun however it is considerably less fun when you have to waddle through the treacherous snow wearing your entire wardrobe in layers, dodging puddles & slip, trip & skating on ice patches.

Just quietly, I found these photos of Tokyo (taken in the last few days) on the web.

New Year

Endo, Headie and Ang

I celebrated New Year in style. It was an exclusive event in a plush apartment overlooking the ocean coordinated by Mr Anthony Endersby. He couldn't have done a better job. The view was divine, food exquisite, cocktails to die for and the company 2nd to none. The VIP list saw a long list of celebs including; Ang, Headie, Meg, Ashy, Min, Rossco, Jake, Peta, Purcell, Henry, a fit bloke that Meg brought & his brother and a special guest appearance by Josie, Jane and Phil’s adorable new daughter and others. It was an honour to see such talent in the same room. The evening saw fireworks across the water, a 9pm show of raw beer skulling talent followed by awe inspiring song and dance, a little romance, brilliant conversation and moonlit escapades on the beach. This 1st class evening was perfectly followed by a glorious New Years day spent on the beach.

My best friend Ang

Min, Henry and Rossco

Kurt (the fit guy) and my chaperone for the evening

Me and Peta

Is anyone as disturbed as I am by this picture? In my defense, this was taken towards the end of the evening, the cigarette isn't lit and I always said I was a Booze Hag.

and the million dollar view brought to you by Endo's oldies. Nice one.