All aboard the J-train

The public transport system in Japan is without a doubt the most efficient I have ever encountered. Like clockwork one might say. The train is also where you will meet the strangest of individuals, sweet old ladies, drunken salary-men and glittering J-teens. It's where any person who can speak even two words of English will strike up a conversation with you in an attempt to practice their language skills. This usually results in an unintelligible hybrid Jap-glish charade about the weather. I find if you just nod and say ok a lot it generally makes them happy. The other entertaining fact about riding the J-train is that everyone, absolutely everyone falls asleep on the train. Its not uncommon to have a salary-man on either side of you sleeping with both their heads on your shoulders. What amazes me the most, is that they all seem to know when to wake up and get off. It's an intrinsic reaction. Little robots waking up just in time to step off the train and wander home. As a henna gaijin in this country, I don't have this ability. Which is why on several occassions now I have woken up in the middle of no-where, dazed and confused, wiping the sleep out of my eyes trying to work out where the hell I am and the best way to get home again. I took this picture of Andrew on our way home from a big night out in Shibuya. We really wanted to capture the moment, so Drew pretended to fall asleep on old mates shoulder. Old mate woke up the instant the flash went off, realised our caper and hit Andrew, sending me into total hysterics. I roared laughing the rest of they way home, but the J's didn't mind. They just slept right through it.

Atsuii desu ne

This photo has no relevance what-so-ever to this post, but anyway. The heat here is getting unbearable. This morning I got to the train station dripping, sat down next to this little old lady and said one of the only Japanese sentences I know: Atsuii desu ne (it's hot isn't it?). She inevitably replied with a whole bunch of Japanese, I couldn't understand. She instantly realised and sparked up a conversation in English. We chatted for a while, she saw me clearly struggling with the heat so she pulled a fan out of her bag and started fanning me!! Here I am sitting in the sweltering heat getting fanned by a little old lady. Bless her. The people in Japan are so sweet.

Sexy men desu ne

It may be a sign that I have been in Japan too long, but the men here are getting sexier and sexier. The problem with this is that sexy J-men tend to be attracted to sexy J-women as apposed to gaijin booze hags. It leaves me shit out of luck anyhow. This is a photo I took on my last night out in Shibuya. We went to an Izakaya and met these blokes. They were the funnest and the guy in the blue jacket was fit as hell. They taught us loads of J-drinking games and then took us to Yoyogi Park where we proceeded to swim in the fountain. It's amazing how fluent my japanese becomes after a few drinks. Either that or I have whole conversations comprised of "whats your name? whats your name? whats your name?". But most likely I am just yelling random Japanese words at them while they laugh and answer me in English. Anyhow, I have decided that I definately need a J-man to teach me Japanese. A really cute one.

Sweat Machine

I dont walk to work. I swim. It is so humid here I feel like I have to push through the hot, wet air and swim to work. It also means by the time I get there I'm dripping in sweat. It's totally sexy. All the cute little J-girls are trotting around in their glittering heels with their perfect hair and perfect matte skin without a trace of sweat. Meanwhile the giant, spotty, sweaty, gaijin meanders past about to drop from the heat, make-up sliding off her face, hair stuck to her head, sporting the sexiest sweat patches in Japan. But I've discovered their secret - PIT PADS. Yes, the good people of Japan have invented PIT PADS. A sanitary napkin for UNDER YOUR ARMS. I haven't tried these babies yet, I've only seen them in stores. But the woman on the packet seems totally happy with them and she can enjoy sweat stain free shirts. Anyhow, I must invest. When in Rome and all that. No need for those unsightly sweaty pits.

Stealth computer

My computer is the stealthiest, not to mention the sexiest. I have a hot new ibook from the Apple store in Ginza. And because its a mac, it has special powers. If I sit my computer on top of the teev I can steal internet from beyond, or maybe just the neighbors. So it's my mission to download as much free music, movies and porn as possible until they cotten on and cut me off. It also allows me to return to my status as a net nerd or net otaku as we japanese like to say. Buying this computer has rendered me completely skint so for the rest of this month I am eating popcorn for dinner (I picked up a tops deal - 28 bags of microwave popcorn for only $9). Granted its not the best popcorn i've ever tasted, and there are always a lot of kernels that go unpopped, but it was still a bargain. Anyway, it's a good thing I have this computer to entertain me, since I can't afford to go out any more. My fabulous mate Andrew has shown me the ways of the mac and I will be forever in his debt. It rocks my world.

Japanese 101

I just had my very first Japanese lesson. I think my sensei thought I was retarded. He expected me to be able to read Japanese & I clearly can't. All I saw was scribbles on a page. He says that this is an experience for him as I am the lowest student he has ever taught. Thanks mate, way to get me motivated. I have a new found respect for my own students now. Learning a new language sucks nuts & it's bloody hard. Can you imagine teaching a fully grown woman the alphabet & how to say "Bob is not a doctor"? At least now I know how to say I am not American! "Watashi wa Amerika-jin ja arimasen desu!"

Shake et

My world literally started to rock last night at about 2.15am when I was woken from my slumber by yet another earth quake. 5.6 on the richter scale. I am trying to get used to the little buggers, but I'm struggling. Sometimes I can't help but think, “what if this is it, what if this is the mother quake?” either that or “oh my god this hang over really is bad, the room’s not only spinning its rocking”. We have at least one a week, but they never fail to freak me out. When they happen while I'm sleeping, it really feels like someone is shaking me awake. I wake up pissed at first and then just shit scared waiting for the walls to stop shaking.