Saturday, December 10, 2005
Do my ears look big in this?
This week the opportunity to partake in the super-sexual Japanese facial mask craze arose. Although I can’t help but think I chose the wrong style. I think this one makes my ears stick out. I have been off work for the last week with what started as pharyngitis and developed into a mild case of pneumonia. But, please don't tell my grandma that, she’d ship my arse back to Australia, tie me to a chair and force me to listen to her Greatest Hits on repeat. Including old favourites such as “Don’t go outside with wet hair”, “Are you taking your medicine?” and my personal fave “Are you sure you’re eating enough?”
So, over $1000 in medical bills, about $800 in lost wages (the bastards don't pay me for sick days), a shot of steroids in my bum and a real fear of having to stay in a Japanese hospital later, the 7 days of sitting/laying on my arse taught me a few things. Good TV never gets boring, your bum actually hurts when you sit on it for too long & breathing is fun.
Seriously, this week off with nothing else to do except watch the box has enabled me to contemplate some of the bigger issues in life. For example, How do people complete a Rubik’s Cube™ without peeling off the stickers? Will Gabrielle’s attempt to sabotage Carlos’ relationship with his Catholic Nun succeed? Or will it only push him away? Why don't more people in Japan get braces? There are orthodontists all over Japan just crying out for the mother-load. How do photocopiers work? (that's Naomi’s fault) How can a doctor get paid $600 for a single visit? What do Japanese bakeries do with the crusts off the bread? Why aren’t I a doctor? What is it about J-men that makes them so god damn beautiful?
Actually, it was mostly just the last one, and I think it has something to do with bone structure.
After bringing home enough drugs to start my own business, which I’ll actually need to do to pay for my medical bills, my body is no longer running of its own accord. My veins are flowing pure vegetable juice and I’m all pumped up on vitamins and steroids. So if I look a little bulky next time you see me you’ll know why. On second thought maybe I’ll just go for the more traditional style, it’s always best to stick with the classics. It's almost a shame that I'm starting to feel loads better now, these babies are quite becoming.
ps. No, I didn't go outside with wet hair
Yes, I'm taking my medicine
& Yes, I'm sure i'm eating enough
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
my nipples are hard
Endo, you know I know that was you.
Carrie,I know, you know I know it was me, but did you know I know, you know, you know?
umm yes. no. I don't know.
That's a great story. Waiting for more. »
Post a Comment