Hot New Love Pad

I finally cleaned my house so here is the vid I promised.

One More Time

Yep, it’s that time of year again folks. I have managed to score a dirty cold to accompany a nice dose of asthma. I’m thrilled because I know that it means I get to pull out the sexy facial masks again. Unfortunately it also means frequent trips to the doctor, large quantities of drugs and numerous days off work. Which sadly renders me penniless and feeling incredibly sorry for myself. This time I am holding my friendly colleagues Arno, Sherman, Cheryl, Steve and their minging diseases personally responsible for the state I am in. It’s just a blessing that I look so hot in these masks. Who wouldn’t want to be sick?

Paparazzi

Being a celebrity in Japan one has to expect a certain level of interest from the adoring public. That being said, it is difficult to maintain a normal life when you have fans plaguing you at every turn. I have recently gained a few stalkers to my collection of awe inspired groupies. My advice to upcoming fellow VIP’s is hold on to your anonymity, try to keep something back for yourself. But when all else fails, you have to give the fans what they want. These pics were taken by tabloid journalist, Andrew Green after an A-list dance party last year.

Adulthood

When I went back to Australia I got a cold, hard slap across the face. All of my friends were adults. I don’t know how it happened, but somehow in the year or two I was away the people I did stupid shit with when I was young all had morals, jobs and self-control. Naturally, I found it hard to relate to this new stage in their lives. They were doing mature things like getting engaged and married, buying cars and houses, getting pregnant and having babies. One of my mates is so mature she is divorced. It was all a bit overwhelming. How could I compete?

I decided to join the race and take my very own step into adulthood. I have just moved into a sexy new apartment in the hottest suburb of Tokyo, Nakano. Alone. That’s right, I was mature enough to find my own pad in the big smoke, and I’m pretty bloody pleased about it. I can’t claim that I did it entirely on my own. I think I owe Steve my first-born child to repay him for carting the entire contents of my bedroom in suitcases via the train. Karryn and Tadao saved my skin by taking the furniture by car. Steve is only barely talking to me after the suitcases, I think he’d have officially cut me off if he’d had to carry a bookshelf through the station. I’m still building bridges.

So not only have I taken the plunge with my own pad, but on Sunday I made my biggest commitment to Japan so far. I bought furniture. I went to IKEA and actually paid money for big stuff that wont fit in a suitcase. I am finally off the ground. Well, I will be on Sunday when the gear is delivered. For almost two years now I have been sleeping on a fold away futon on the ground, my couch has no legs and I use a coffee table when I eat dinner. The novelty of an indoor picnic has worn off. So finally on Sunday I’ll be able to say balls to “the Japanese way” and sit upright at a table to eat, I’ll be able to step into bed and sit on a sofa. It’s the simple things people.

I know you are all gagging to sneak a peak at my hot new love pad, but you are going to have to wait until the place is in its prime. That means after Sunday when the furniture is delivered, then until I can peel myself off it to take pictures. But until then, you can be happy that your little girl is finally growing up.

Melbourne for Rock Stars

This week Endo and I decided to mix things up a bit and head to Melbourne to visit his family and my long lost gorgeous girlfriend Sandy. It was so good to see her again and a little surreal to see her in Australia. It was hard to imagine cruising with her in her sexy Holden in Japan but it was fabulous and OZ and we loved it. We hung out in the city, saw an exhibition, lazed in café’s, played pool at the pub, shopped for shoes, wandered the streets and saw Cam’s band play. I couldn’t have asked for a better holiday or reunion with such a lovely lady. Melbourne rocks, I could certainly get used to the lifestyle there. Sand will definitely be seeing more of me when I get back to Aus, probably sleeping on her couch.

Tourist

After the initial shock of being back in Australia, stupefied by the amount of space and time around me, I am really warming up to this Australia gig. I have finally started to stop comparing everything to Japan and accepting my country for the beautiful place that it is. It’s magic. My first day of walking around Sydney, I really did feel like a Japanese tourist. My mum phoned me whilst I was on the train and I answered with a whispered “I can’t talk, I’m on the train” before it occurred to me that yes, in fact I could talk and no one will even batter an eyelid. At that point I wondered quietly to myself, when did I become such an anal-retentive nana? And except for the 30% of the nation (possibly all located in my hometown) that are hideously obese, the people here really are beautiful and TALL. I am dwarfed by everyone here and I love it! It makes for a nice change from being the giant foreigner. Here, no one is staring at me on the train, yet I find myself staring at them. And if I do catch their eye, they do this really strange thing. They smile. It took me a while to work out what the weird thing they were doing with the corner of their mouths was, so for a moment I just sat watching them. After the smiling I was completely baffled when a stranger struck up a conversation with me at the train station. Even at Hungry Jacks the cashier asked me how I was! And then actually listened to the answer. Then at Subway the woman was interested in my Christmas plans (Yes, I’m doing the fast-food circuit). I had no idea that it was possible for people to be so friendly.

I spend two nights in Sydney at my gorgeous mate Andrew’s house in Coogee and was lucky enough to catch up with Andrea while she was in the country and had my first beer in 3 years with one of my oldest mates, Borz. Got to do all the touristy things all over again and experience some scary Aussie culture (word of advice: do not get on a train). We had a wicked time with beautiful friends and beautiful weather. Loved it. x

Photo evidence that I really am a short-arse in Australia

Andrew and I being posers as usual

Happy New Year

This year I opted for an extremely quiet one with a few of my oldest & best mates. Ang, Heady, Endo and I had a very sophisticated 5-course meal at a sweet little restaurant in Lorn. We got a bit of an insight into our future because we were surrounded by a bunch of oldies, who looked like they’d had their fair share of good meals in their life. We weren't completely mature though, we chose the BYO option then wondered on the way into the restaurant whether an esky full of 8 bottles of wine was going to be enough for the 3 of us (Ang wasn’t drinking). After polishing off our gourmet meals we headed back to Endo’s house for a quick dip in the pool, a cheese platter and a couple more bottles of wine. Like proper oldies we all watched the fireworks on the teev, Ang and Heady went home to bed and Endo and I sat up until all hours discussing the state of our lives over a bottle of Frangelico. Happy New Year everyone, if 2007 is anywhere near as good as 2006 it will be a very good year. Love to all x x x

An Australian Christmas

Christmas Breakfast

This year I celebrated Christmas Aussie style. A champagne breakfast at my Aunty Louise’s house, a roast lunch with my Dad’s family and a huge buffet dinner at my Grandma’s. Like every other Australian, I ate an unhealthy amount of delicious Christmas cuisine. Heath and I played a bit of an impromtu gig around the pool with a stunning acoustic rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart. I got to hang with my gorgeous little cousin and his new baby brother and I had a yarn with all the oldies (after reminding them who I was). But the best gift I received by far was a whole lot of Tiger love from everyone. Check it out.

Dad enjoying his Chrissy lunch

Friends Reunited

Last night I met up with my bestest friend in the world Ang, her hubby Heady and Mr Endersby for celebratory dinner and drinks. Endo was kind enough to provide the bubbly and after 2 glasses I was trashed. For some reason or another my drinking ability has gone considerably downhill though it’s definitely not due to lack of practise. So after a further 3 glasses I can’t remember a thing. Endo tells me I was very well behaved, I only gave the barman a small amount of grief and we all had a lovely evening. Next time I have promised to remain sober with expectant mum Ang for moral support and for my own wellbeing. Pretty soon I’m going to have to change this blog to “Confessions of a Reformed Booze Hag”. It was great to see my mates after 12 months away, and because they are like family it felt like nothing had changed. I still love them to bits. Looking forward to catching up with more on Christmas Eve at Meg’s BBQ! x

Nihongo Teachers

This is my gorgeous friend, fabulous Japanese teacher and personal translator Misuzu. The bloke is Steve’s Japanese big brother Kentarou, who is gorgeous but for some reason or other never knows what is going on. Drinking with this pair is always an education, we communicate through a mixture of broken English and appalling Japanese and we love it. Here Steve can be seen training Kentarou in the correct pronunciation of “ya fucker” however we both know he will continue using his pseudo-Italian one. Right now in Australia where I can understand the language around me, I am missing them like crazy. Love you guys!

Bunch of Posers

Here is a collection of golden moments. We just can’t help ourselves, when the camera comes out, so do the poses. Our favourite is most definitely “the tiger” however we have attempted a few other moods to add little variety.

Look, I found someone else who likes to make this ridiculous face!

Random man on the train willing to partake in a little TIGER action

My three favourite people in the world on the train

An attempt at a Dolphin

"The Pornstar"

"Monkey no look, Monkey no listen, Monkey no talking"

The Cranky Pout

Where Time Goes Backwards

I’ve been back in Australia for 3 days now and I think I’m suffering from reverse culture shock. In Japan I am constantly busy, I never have time to think and I’m always on the go. I did all the jobs I had to do while in Australia yesterday, which was a little hasty because now I have absolutely nothing to do. In Japan I rarely have 5 minutes to myself but now I find myself with 5 weeks. What the hell am I going to do? A mate has suggested that I get a little creative and write some songs, which would be a brilliant idea had I any talent whatsoever for writing music. Instead I’ve decided to get literate, I’ve decided to read all the books I have always wanted to read but haven’t had time. My first pick was a book on Japan’s attack on the Chinese city of Nanking during the Second World War. It is quite possibly the most horrific book I have ever read and while it is educating it is also incredibly depressing. It made me feel so grateful for the life that I was given and reinforced the fact that I am one of the luckiest people on earth. One of the luckiest people on earth, who is, currently moaning about having 5 weeks in Australia with nothing to do. Yes, I do see the irony.

I have also had the misfortune of reading an English magazine. Magazines are too expensive in Japan, which is why most Japanese stand in convenience stores reading them so they don't have to buy one. I decided to splurge and buy a copy of an old fave - Cosmopolitan for the plane. Was it always full of such utter bollocks or has it changed editors recently? Almost every article I found related to a) finding a boyfriend b) finding a better boyfriend or c) analysing the fuck out of your current relationship. There was even a handy article (written by a man) instructing me how to give a better blow-job. Apparently, I should practice on a cucumber. I’m assuming this skill improves their chances of realising their “finding a boyfriend” goal. I’d love to open one of these mag’s one day to find a big 10-page lift out on basic common sense.

Also, the TV in Australia is killing me. I want to be back in Japan where I can’t understand what they are banging on about. There is honestly a commercial every 7 minutes. 7. And I’m pretty sure they run longer than the actual program does. I’d also like to know what percentage of Australian TV is made up of home improvement shows and why none of the homeowners in my hometown are taking their advice on-board. I saw an ad for one today claiming they could teach me how to build my own bed-head for under $300. Surely for $300 I could buy one that was made by someone with the appropriate bed-head making skills? It didn’t even look good on the ad, imagine what it would look like if I tried my hand at it.

Anyway, now I’ve vented, I’m going to bed. I’m going to think long and hard and come up with some more positive forms of Aussie feedback.

In Flight Entertainment

You are it. I am writing this on my flight from Tokyo to Bangkok. I managed to get on the only airline sans back seat TV’s. I secretly think the people around me are green with envy that I have the ease and convenience of my stylish ibook. And if I didn’t look like a hideous swamp beast in the oldest/comfiest clothes I own, I might be mistaken for someone with an important job. I’m sat next to a kindly Japanese man and I’m trying out all the Nihongo that I can caper. He’s showing me some nifty gadget game thing that all the kids are playing these days so I just asked him how much it cost. Then, when he replied “only $150” I told him: “vegetable”. The bewildered look on his face was cue to correct myself with an embarrassed “errr… I mean, cheap”.

The movie playing on the big screen is some kind of tragic dance movie that stars someone who may or may not be Justin Timberlake. Whatever it is, its horrible. I’m devoed that I didn’t have the foresight to put a movie or two on this beast before departure. And I’d just like to reinforce the laptop envy I’m feeling right now, the little J-man has just told me that I’m a nerd with my computer. Jokes on you mate. He wishes he was me, he’s gonna loose it real soon when I pull out the solitare.

If I wasn’t completely knackered from the last few weeks of madness, I would be ectatic right now. I’m on my way to Australia for a well-earned 5-week holiday. I’m going from the freezing temperatures of Tokyo to the warmth and sunshine of a beloved Aussie summer. In the 6 weeks prior to this flight I’ve broken up with the J-boy I couldn't communicate with, said some very teary goodbyes to my two best friends and flatmates, moved out of the Horifune Palace and into my very own sexy little studio apartment in Nakano, Tokyo, signed a new contract at work, started a couple of new kids classes, seen a musical that my favourite student gave Steve and I tickets to, gloated to everyone I know about my extended vacation and spent a small fortune buying unnecessary, overpriced and fabulous make-up at the duty free counter.

I have absolutely no idea what I have packed in my suitcase in the chaos. I’m not even sure I packed anything at all. I have never before been under the airline weight restriction, so you can imagine my confusion at the check-in counter. I didn't even know that was possible?

Anywho, might give my laptop battery a rest so I can wow the people on my next flight with the same prepared brilliance as I have on this one. I have the next 5 weeks to sit on my bum in the sun so you can expect to hear from me again soon.

Sayonara Sandy

Sunday the 12th of November marked the end of an era when my much loved flatmate and friend Sandy left Japan to go back to Melbourne. Sandy and I arrived in Japan within a month of each other, we worked at the same branch for a while and lived together with Naomi for over a year so my Nihon experience always involved her cheeky Aussie charm and with her I never felt too far from home. Japan certainly isn’t going to be the same without such a hot lady and fabulous mate. I’ve been so lucky ever since I got to Japan, I’ve always been blessed with beautiful, supportive mates. Sandy, Naomi and I have been a family for the last year and a half so I’m devoed to see her go, but I know that it wont be too long until I see her again. When you find a girl this special, you can’t let her go far. I miss you chicken. See you in January! x

We had several leaving parties for Sand with a plethora of photo shoots.
Here are some gems from the festivities.

Happy Birthday Andrea!

Last Saturday we celebrated the lovely and talented Andrea's birthday in a joint affair with Sandy's farewell. We got to meet Andrea's crazy friends and had a wicked time at an Izakaya before heading to a club to dance up a storm. Andrea has the best legs in Tokyo and i'll go anywhere to watch her groove on the dance floor. Hope you had a great day babe. I'm glad that you are staying in Tokyo with me next year for more shenanigans.

Hallie and I trying on our sexy pose.

Interactive Print Club T-shirts

Sandy and I received a beautiful surprise off Naomi last night. She sat us down at the table, made us close our eyes and when we opened them found 3 T-shirts with our picture printed on the front. We were then given an array of glitter pens and fabric paints to decorate our T-shirts Print Club style! It was such a gorgeous present and we had loads of fun making them. Thank you Nai, you are a gem.

Tiger

I know I get to meet a lot of people living in Tokyo, but it’s not everyday that a man as devilish as this one walks into your life. Meet Steve, my hottest and most lethal new ally. I knew he was trouble from day one. I spotted the glint in his eye from a mile off but it wasn’t until we had our first bender together that we formed the ultimate union. It started as any normal night might when two people pleasantly stumble upon Happy Hour and ended in what has come to be known as our own signature brand of chaos. For future reference, when they name a cocktail “Tarantula” it is to be respected. It should be sipped and enjoyed at a leisurely pace before starting on the next one, for it is a wild beast with devastating consequences that can not be tamed. Under no circumstances should one taunt it and if you are silly enough to challenge it, it is best to have at least one very large man present who can carry you home. You will also need a stellar companion to fill in the blanks the next morning. Since that fateful night we haven’t looked back. A diabolical fusion of cheek, wit and charm, we frame a tenacious team and a force to be reckoned with. Whether it’s happy hour at the pub, nomihodai at an izakaya or a bit of late night classic karaoke, the night is guaranteed to prove pandemonium when you have an accomplice as sinful as Steve.

I'll do it tomorrow.

It seems a tad ironic that I can get off my arse to write a blog about the fact that I am incredibly lazy but not about the any of the interesting things I have done recently. I think they call it procrastination. Right now I am sitting, ok that's a lie – lying in my room that has developed a certain odour I can’t quite place my finger on. If I was to hazard a guess I’d say it’s a delicate blend of essence of “spent beer bottles” scattered with “growing pile of unwashed clothes in the corner” and a distinct base note of “manky, mouldy futon I should have hung out on the weekend” then there is the pleasant stench of stale perfume I am literally carrying around with me ever since my bottle of Irresistible by Givenchy spilt all through my handbag.

I still haven’t fully unpacked my suitcase from the holiday I went on a month ago. I can’t find the 3rd DVD from the boxed set of season one of “Friends” in the rubble to give back to my boyfriend. I am hoping to learn fluent Japanese via osmosis from the textbook’s sprawled through my bed, which incidentally really needs it’s sheets washed, I keep finding un-popped kernels of the popcorn I had for dinner three nights ago. I am also performing a strategic balancing act with the pile of random items on my dresser. It’s kind of like those games at the arcade where you throw in 10-cent coins in order to push the other coins off and claim your prize. My last score was a crusty Easter egg well past its expiry date but there is always tomorrow.

I’m not exactly sure why I am listing my achievements in filth, I guess now its written in print I can conduct a full analysis before I eventually act or am forced to deal with a mutant cockroach infestation I am quite possibly sponsoring. In any event, it’s best not to rush into things. It’s getting late I should probably find my bed and get some sleep.

Happy Birthday Sandy

It really doesn’t feel like a year since we last celebrated Sandy’s birthday in the smallest pub in Tokyo with a bunch of random old men, but apparently it has been. This year she rudely went on a trip to New York for her birthday so we had to wait for her return to go for dinner and drinks at our new favourite bar down the road from our house. We did it Japanese style on tatami mats, drinking Sho-chu and lemon tea. We had adult conversations about the complexities of tea ceremonies and discussed social issues and current events, it almost felt like we were grown ups. It was a lovely evening with good food and the best company in the world. Love you Sand, Happy Birthday!

Einen OKINAWA-en

Last week four hot girls took some well-deserved time off and went on a little beach holiday to a small Japanese island called Okinawa. Our plan involved 2 things, cocktails and beach the rest was optional. We managed to fit in a spot of snorkelling and multiple rides on a banana boat pulled by a jet-ski. Naomi spontaneously acquired the ability to sprechen Sie Deutsches and for the first time ever we had our name on a sign waiting for us at the airport. Because I am the laziest person in the world and I’m on my way to meet a mate for a drink, I’ll cut this short. Here are some pics to brighten your day, you’ll notice there are none of me in my swimmers, they were all mysteriously destroyed but it was an amazing 4 days and so refreshing to get out of Tokyo for a while. Loves et.